


Of Heroes And Hamsters

by Plonq



Series: Bolt [2]
Category: Bolt (2008)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Gen, Humor, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:01:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24905752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plonq/pseuds/Plonq
Summary: Bolt, Rhino and Mittens go on a big, dumb adventure to save Penny from - well, they don't actually know what they are saving her from, but they have it on good authority that she is in trouble.Can this intrepid trio save the day in spite of themselves?
Series: Bolt [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1802179
Comments: 10
Kudos: 6





	Of Heroes And Hamsters

As usual, Bolt and Rhino were whiling away their late morning over a board game in exactly the way that most pets would not. The white shepherd was eyeing the checkerboard with a deeply ponderous expression while he weighed his potential options. He made a couple of abortive moves towards the board with his right paw before quickly withdrawing it and frowning at the checkers pieces with a cock of his head. His opponent was across the board from him, sitting in his opened hamster ball and reading a comic, over the top of which he occasionally glanced to see if the pooch had made a move.

Neither of them paid any attention to the little tuxedo cat who wandered into the room, sat next to Bolt, and began grooming one of her paws. Mittens glanced at the checkerboard and at the sizable pile of white checkers captured by Rhino versus the paltry handful of black pieces on Bolt's side. She finished with her paw washing by giving her whiskers a quick straightening and then leaned slightly over the board for a better look. The cat scrunched up the side of her muzzle in thought.

"Ya know," Mittens said pensively as she reached over to point at one of his pieces. "If you move that one, you could almost clear the board..."

"Shh!" admonished Bolt, gently pushing her paw back. "I'm trying to concentrate here."

"Yeah, no cheating, sister," chided Rhino, waggling a finger at her over the top edge of his comic.

"Okay, whatever," said Mittens with an air of indifference. "I'll leave you party boys to your fun." She yawned, stretched, and rose to her feet. As she was turning to leave, the feline glanced over her shoulder at the other two pets. "Oh, and it sounds like Penny is in trouble," she said in the tone one might use for an unimportant afterthought, though there was an unmistakably impish gleam in her green eyes.

"That's nice..." began Bolt absently - but as the cat's words sunk in, he gave a yelp of alarm and leapt to his feet, overturning the board and pelting the hapless hamster in a rain of checkers pieces. The dog lunged and landed in front of the cat, blocking her egress and lowering his face to meet hers. "What do you mean 'Penny is in trouble'?" he barked frantically. "You were just going to drop that on us and leave? What kind of trouble? Where is she?"

"Yeah, spill it," called Rhino while he methodically cleared checkers pieces from his plastic half-shell. "The more you tell us, the sooner we can act!"

Mittens glanced back and forth between the other two and then shrugged. "It's probably nothing," she said with a quick, dismissive toss of her right paw. "Penny's mom was holding me on her lap while watching her daytime soaps and giving me one of those glorious belly rubs. You know the ones," she said dreamily, "where she gets her pinkie and thumb riiiiight up in my armpits to massage my sides while she scratches under my chin with her middle fingers..."

"Mittens, focus!" said Rhino sharply while Bolt whined and nodded vigorously in agreement. "What about Penny?"

"I'm getting there," said the cat with a scowl of annoyance. "Anyway, just as it was getting good, the phone rang. Her mom picked it up and goes, 'Hello? Yes, this is her mom. What kind of trouble? Okay, I'll be right there.'" Bolt twirled his paw in a motion that was clearly meant to implore the feline to continue her story. "Uh, well, that's it," said Mittens. "She dumped me unceremoniously on the floor, so I came wandering in here to see if you guys were doing anything interesting."

"Are you _sure_ that's all she said?" Bolt demanded, shifting over to block the cat's exit when she made a move to step around him. "Penny's mom talks to herself a lot, so she _must_ have dropped a clue of some kind."

The feline shrugged once more. "I don't know what to tell you," she mewed. "She dropped me on the floor and lumbered off to the bedroom. She was dressed in her sweatpants, so..." Mittens paused and rubbed her chin in thought. "That probably means she's gettin' into her nice clothes because she's going to be heading out."

The dog nodded. "That makes sense," he said. Bolt whined uncertainly. "It must be something serious if she's leaving her daytime soaps to deal with it."

"Doctor Calico!"

The other two turned toward Rhino, who was still standing in the open shell of his plastic ball and gripping a checker so tightly that his little hands shook. "He's probably been looking for Penny since the show, and now he's finally tracked her down."

Bolt gasped. "I don't want to believe you but..." he turned a tight circle, pausing to wave his paw emphatically every few steps, "this would fit right into his usual mode of operation. He's probably been watching her for weeks..."

"Months!" interjected Rhino.

"...waiting for the perfect time to strike," continued the dog with a curt nod to the hamster.

"Or... just tossing this out there," said Mittens, holding out her left paw with its pad-up. The dog paused his pacing to let her speak. "She's a kid in a school full of other kids. She probably got into a food fight with some of her friends in the cafeteria."

Bolt frowned and looked over at Rhino. "That makes sense..." he said slowly.

The hamster started to gnaw on the corner of the wooden checker piece while he considered the possibility, but quickly caught himself when he chewed off a mouthful of black paint. Suddenly he Frisbeed the checker onto the nearby pile and furiously pumped a clenched paw. "It's only eleven," he said triumphantly, "so she wouldn't even be in the cafeteria." He slapped his balled paw into the open pad of his other. "It _has_ to be that pesky mastermind."

The pooch turned quickly back to Mittens. The feline raised her paw again and her mouth worked a couple of times as if she were about to speak, but she simply glanced down at her raised foot and flexed it a couple of times. "Eh," she said finally. "It was an either-or thing, and I'm outta other suggestions. So... what's the plan?"

It only took a few moments for the pets to straighten out the checkerboard and arrange themselves around it in a small, furry council. Rhino lugged a white checker to and plunked it down in the middle of the board.

"This is Penny's Mom," he said. "She is the key to this operation." He scampered over to the pile of checkers and returned with a black one, which he placed on the edge of the board. "This is her car," Rhino said, "and it's the next piece of the puzzle. We need to set up reconnaissance to watch what she does when she goes to her car." He bounded back to the centre of the board and put both of his front paws on the white checker, slowly pushing it toward the black checker while he talked.

"I'll take up a hiding spot so that I can watch while she walks to her car," he said, and then he lifted the white checker and put it on top of the black, "and gets in. Then we need to see if she turns left or right when she leaves."

The rodent started to push the stack of checkers toward one end of the board, but Mittens forestalled him. "I think I speak for us all when I say we know our left from our right," she said quickly. "I don't think we need an object lesson."

"Yes," agreed Bolt with a hint of relief in his tone. "What's the difference if she goes left or right? What does that tell us?"

The hamster shrugged and leaned his elbow on the stacked checkers. "If she goes left, it means she's heading towards town. That can only mean that they must be protecting Penny at the police station, and Doctor Calico is holding the town hostage until they give her over."

"That makes sense," said Bolt with a low, dire growl in his voice.

"If she turns right, it means she's heading towards the school. In that case Penny is holed up in the Principal's office, and the evil Doctor is threatening to destroy the school if they don't send her out."

"That's pure evil," said Mittens darkly. She leaned over toward the white dog. "It's no _wonder_ you guys were always lockin' horns with him on the show," she said out of the corner of her mouth.

"We'll have to be careful how we monitor her," said Rhino. "If she catches us outside of the house when she's leaving she'll round us up and lock us up back inside." He patted himself on the chest. "I'm the smallest, so I'll hide in the bushes by the corner of the house and keep watch on her activities. You guys hunker down by the far corner and I'll give you signals."

"Yeah ... like we'll see your tiny little hand signals from the far corner of the house," said Mittens snidely.

"Don't worry sister, I've got a few tricks up these furry little sleeves of mine," said Rhino smugly.

"So do I," said Bolt shortly. The dog abruptly stood and trotted out of the room before the other two could react. The cat and hamster exchanged a puzzled glance, but his actions made sense when he returned moments later clutching a small pair of binoculars in his mouth. He lay them in the middle of the checkerboard. "Penny's mom used to watch her on the set with these," he explained.

* * *

Bolt lay on the ground with the binoculars resting on the nape of his neck at just the right height for Mittens to squint through the left eyepiece. The cat was hunched forward, peering intently at the hamster through her right eye while keeping her left eye shut tight.

"Has he sent any signals yet?" demanded Bolt restlessly. "We've been out here forever. Surely it doesn't take Penny's mom _that_ long to get ready."

"Yeah, it does," said Mittens. "And it's hard to make out what he's doing 'cuz you make the image bounce around every time you breathe."

"But I _have_ to breathe," whined the dog.

"Just sayin'..." began the feline, but she tensed and squinted more intensely into the eyepiece. "Okay, now he's doin' something," she said. "He's pulled out what looks like little flags and he's kinda jerking them all over the place."

"Semaphore!" said Bolt excitedly.

"Bless you," replied Mittens absently.

The dog started to shake his head, but caught himself. "He's sending a message in semaphore," he said. "He's doing it that way so that you can read it at a distance. What's he saying?"

"Oh, semaphore - of course. Gotcha," said Mittens dryly. "Okay, I've figured out the meat of the message."

"And...?" prompted Bolt.

"I'm a fat, dumb hamster and this was a stupid plan."

The pooch mouthed the message back to himself with a growing expression of confusion. "It's weird that he'd say that..." he began before his expression morphed to one of realization. "You don't actually know semaphore, do you Mittens?" he asked as he shrugged off the binoculars and sat up.

"I stand by my interpretation," retorted the cat stubbornly. She sighed. "But we better call him back here before he wastes any more time with those little flags of his." She and the dog both stood up on their hind legs, furiously waving in the hamster's direction until they saw his ball glint in the sunlight and start rolling in their direction.

"...you caught the bit about me seeing her through the window putting on her fake eyelashes, right?" panted Rhino as he neared. "That means she will be leaving soon. Why are we interrupting the plan at this crucial stage?"

Bolt held a paw to his brow and shook his head as if it were starting to hurt. "Did you ask Mittens if she knew semaphore when you came up with this plan?"

"What?!" demanded the hamster in shock. "Are you serious? Who doesn't know semaphore?" He pointed an accusing finger at the cat, raising a disapproving eyebrow and fixing her with a stink eye. "You had plenty of time to bring that up in the planning stages, sister. I'm beginning to wonder if you've bought into this operation..."

"Now hold on," Mittens began to protest angrily, but her expression suddenly changed. "Hold on," she said again. "I think I got a plan to save this plan from itself."

"You _what_ now?" said Bolt with a confused cock of his head, but Mittens quickly silenced him with a paw to the muzzle.

"You guys just wait here and do whatever it is you get up to when I'm not around," she said with a grin. "I'll be right back." Before the other two could respond, the cat turned and dashed back toward the door, lowering her head and plowing through the doggy flap without missing a stride. A cloud of fur slowly settling out of the air was the only evidence of her passing.

As the minutes dragged on, Bolt pranced nervously while Rhino paced frantic circles in his plastic ball. By mutual agreement, the dog was just about to follow the cat into the house to see if something was amiss when they saw her feline rump pop out of the dog flap. A moment later, the rest of the cat emerged, backing her way out of the house with something clutched in her teeth. As soon as she was clear, Bolt gave a yip of recognition and surprise.

"It's the little radios that Penny and her mom used to talk to each other on the set!" he said excitedly. "I didn't even know that they still had these."

"I found them under Penny's bed when I was exploring the house one day," said Mittens simply as she dropped the devices at the dog's feet. "Trust me - you guys will thank me for these radios later."

"I'll be amazed if the batteries still work," said Rhino with a hint of sourness in his tone.

"I took the ones out of that little box with the buttons that Penny's mom is always playing with when she's watching the TV," said the cat airily.

The hamster's eyes went wide and he gasped. "Sacrilege! Diablo! You stole the batteries from her remote? _You fiend!_ TV remotes are _sacred._ "

Mittens hissed.

"It's okay," said Bolt, hastily stepping between the two. "We'll put them back once we've rescued Penny."

Once they had settled their various hackles and agreed on a tentative plan to restore the batteries after their mission, the cat helped the hamster drag his radio to the watch point before slinking back to rejoin the shepherd. The two of them settled down to wait for Rhino's call, which came in fairly short order.

"Hawaii Five-O calling Adam-12, come in, over," crackled a familiar rodent at the other end of the radio.

Bolt and Mittens exchanged a glance and a mutual shrug. The dog pressed a paw to the talk button. "Uh, hi, this is Bolt. Is that you, Rhino?"

"Please don't use _real_ names over the air," came the terse reply. "This channel could be _compromised._ I repeat, Hawaii Five-O calling Adam-12, come in, over."

"This is, uh, Adam-12," said the pooch tentatively as he held down the talk button again. When he released it and there was no response after a few beats, he pressed it once more. "...over?"

"The target has left the house," crackled Rhino promptly. "The target has chosen a floral print blouse with a chiffon throw. Target is wearing sensible shoes, and has her purse slung jauntily over her left shoulder. Over."

"Sensible shoes," said Bolt darkly. "She's clearly expecting a fight. Why would she wear the chiffon, though?"

Mittens grimaced and shrugged. "To throw him off, maybe," she replied. The dog nodded in agreement after a moment's consideration.

"Target has entered the vehicle," said the hamster from his watch point. "Target has lowered the sun visor and is adjusting her hair in the mirror... and now the target is adjusting rear-view mirror. The visor is up again. Wait... THE CAR IS STARTED. I Repeat; _THE CAR IS STARTED_. Over."

"Um, okay," replied Bolt into the little radio. "Which way is she heading? Er, over," he added quickly.

"Stand by," crackled Rhino from the other end. "Stand by... the car is moving. I repeat; _the car is moving._ The car has reached the end of the driveway and is turning ... right. She turned _right_!"

Bolt and Mittens locked eyes in alarm.

"Toward the school," said the dog grimly.

"Them poor kids," said the cat.

* * *

Hitching a ride to the school proved to be a trickier process than the pets had anticipated. They discussed it at some length, each with their own suggestions - but in the end it was the hamster who proved to be the most stubborn, so the other two ceded to his suggestion. The only thing on which Mittens refused to budge was her insistence on labelling it, "Rhino's Inscrutable Plan."

"I don't get it," coughed the rodent as he waved away the cloud of dust in the wake of the fifth car to whizz past him without slowing. "I've seen this done in lots of old movies and shows. It's a cinch; you put out your leg and flutter your lashes, and they always pull over and ask where you're going."

"Uh, yeah, about that," said the cat dryly. "There is a commonality in those old movies that is missing here. Y'see, the actors who manage to pull it off have certain physical traits." She held out her left paw, pads-up. "Here's the set of sexy hamsters that could pull this off..." She mirrored the gesture with her right paw. "...and here's you."

"Are you saying that I'm not sexy?" said Rhino. His eyes watered slightly and his lower lip began to tremble.

"Not at all... in so many words..." stuttered the cat.

"...you just appeal to a more, uh, discriminating crowd," said Bolt, jumping to her aid. "But I think I understand what Mittens is trying to say. The drivers just don't appreciate a hunk of a hamster they're passing by."

The rodent's demeanor improved immediately as he held out one of his forepaws to examine the claws. "True," he agreed. "It's their loss." He turned to Bolt. "I yield the floor, sir. What's the next plan?"

"Mine! Pick mine! _Pick Mine!_ " mewed Mittens, prancing in place.

"We're not tossing Rhino's ball at a passing car," said the pooch sternly. Rhino crossed his arms and nodded in firm agreement with the dog.

"Fine," said Mittens, waving off the rejection with the same ease as a politician not waving off a bribe. "I've got a better plan anyway," she said with a purr in her tone. "I think you'll like it; it's got acting and special effects and all that stuff!"

"And no throwing of hamsters..." said Rhino.

"Well, yeah, kind of it does," said Mittens, "but hear me out..."

Five minute later, Bolt was lying on the east side of the road, whining and twitching his hind leg occasionally.

"Don't forget to loll your tongue," whispered a cat from the nearby bushes.

"Give me a second, I'm still settling into the role," he whispered back. He cleared his throat a couple of times, whined in a few different pitches to test his range, and then finally let his tongue drape out onto the pavement when he heard a car approaching. A few moments later, a white Lincoln Town Car rolled to a stop beside the pooch and the front passenger window slid down.

An older gentleman leaned out the window and critically eyed the whimpering pooch with a furrow of his grey brow. "Well, he's still alive," he called over his shoulder to his equally elderly wife behind the wheel. "Do you suppose he was hit by a car?"

"Well, _I_ didn't hit him," replied his wife defensively.

"I didn't say that you did, woman," said the old man tersely. He leaned further out the window for a better look at the prone dog. "He sounds like he's in pretty bad shape," he said. "I wonder if we should put him out of his misery."

"Psst, Wags, don't ham it up too much," whispered Mittens from the nearby bushes. The white shepherd did not reply, but his pathetic whimper subtly switched to a slightly more hale and salvageable-sounding whine.

The couple emerged from the car, and the old woman walked around to join her husband, who was standing over the whimpering dog. "He doesn't sound so bad," said the elderly woman. "And we're going right by the emergency vet." She bent down for a closer look. "And see here, he's got a collar and tag. They can get hold of his owners."

"All right," said her husband, nodding in agreement. He stooped and carefully worked his hands under Bolt's shoulders and hips. "You get the door, and I'll put him on the back seat." As they were loading the white dog into the car, they heard a remarkably pathetic "Mew..." from the shrubbery across the road-side culvert.

"Oh dear," said the older woman, shading her eyes with a hand to her brow and looking across the ditch. "What a sad sound; did somebody hit a cat as well?"

"Mew! Mew!" agreed the unseen cat emphatically.

The elderly gentleman finished laying Bolt comfortably on the back seat and turned to look across the broad channel as well. "Well, let's go fetch the cat too," he said. The elderly couple slowly shambled their way down the gentle slope to search for the injured feline.

As soon as the humans were past them, Mittens and Rhino quietly emerged from the bushes right by the road and sneaked toward the car.

"Okay, you were right," whispered the hamster, "the walkie-talkies were a good idea - I can almost forgive you for the battery thing." He glanced back at the one they'd abandoned in the bush. "I just hope they don't find the one you hid across the ditch or our cover might be blown."

The cat did not reply, but her smug grin was all the answer he needed. As they neared the car, she grabbed his hamster ball on either side with her paws, reared up, and tossed him over the lip of the rear door frame. Mittens followed up the action by gracefully leaping in behind him. As soon as the cat landed in the car, she shimmied under the front passenger seat and pulled the hamster in after her where the two of them shared a high-five through the side of his plastic ball.

Eventually the elderly couple returned to the car. The old man closed the back door and then climbed into the passenger seat while his wife walked around to the other side. "I'd have sworn I heard a cat over there," he said as he was buckling up.

"Not just you," replied his missus. "Poor thing must have run off and hidden when it heard us coming. If it's able to move like that then maybe it's not hurt too badly."

The car pulled away and continued north along the road while the humans began engaging in the usual inane banter of their kind. Occasionally the elderly man would glance back over the seat at Bolt, who would react with an encouraging whimper and twitch. "Well, he's still with us," the old man would usually respond.

"Okay, you've been to the vet enough times to be on a first-name basis," whispered Mittens. "Keep an eye out the window as best you can and let us know when we're gettin' close. We'll have to act fast."

"Did you hear a cat?" said the puzzled driver.

"Meow?" said Bolt with an exaggerated whimper that seemed to satisfy the humans. As they felt the car begin a turn, he whispered, "Get ready - we're turning into the parking lot."

Mittens crawled out from under the seat and gently worked Rhino's plastic ball free. The two of them pressed themselves up against the door and waited. They did not have to wait long because the car groaned to a stop a few seconds later, and they could hear the humans unbuckling themselves.

"If you can go hold open the door to the vet's office, I'll get the dog," said the old man as he climbed out of the car. He shuffled back to the rear door and pulled it open.

"Go!" yowled Mittens. She planted her front paws against Rhino's ball and gave it a hard enough shove to send it sailing over the sill, past the old man, and bouncing down the pavement. Each bounce elicited a protest from the hamster inside.

"What...?" began the old gentleman, but as he was turning to look, a cat emerged from the car like a feline torpedo, hitting the pavement behind on the run. "Wait..." he said again, and as he spun to look at the tuxedo cat, the white dog leapt out of the car behind him and joined the other two.

"I _knew_ I heard a cat," said his wife with an air of vindication as she scurried around the car to see what was going on.

"Apparently," said the puzzled old man, scratching his grey brow. "On the plus side, it looks like they're feeling better," he added as the three pets fled helter-skelter past the front of the veterinarian's office and around the corner out of sight.

"If we follow this alley to the end and turn left, the school is at the end of the second block," panted Bolt as they ran. "You two keep an eye out for Dr. Calico's minions - they could be anywhere."

Fortunately, pedestrian traffic was light, but the trio still accumulated a fair share of points and stares from bemused people. If the evil villain's people were in the area, they were keeping a remarkably low profile.

Bolt seemed oblivious to the attention they were drawing, but Mittens was not shy about voicing her discomfort. "Ya know, stealth was never _not_ an option before this point," she said as she cast a nervous eye at the gawkers.

"Let 'em stare," said Rhino with a brazen laugh. "Dr. Calico will be trembling in his evil boots when he sees who is coming."

The dog frowned slightly at this. "It's weird that he hasn't reacted yet," he said, looking furtively around as they ran, "he _has_ to have seen us by now."

"Well, _he_ may not react, but _Animal Services_ might if we don't start taking a lower profile," said the cat darkly.

"Let' em come," puffed Rhino. "The pound can't hold us."

Bolt's frown deepened. "That's true," he acknowledged, "but they could delay us. Every second counts when Penny is in trouble." The three ran - and rolled - in silence after that, each of them scanning the school for an obvious entrance as they drew nearer. It was the hamster who spotted the open sash window on the main floor.

They stopped just under the window to catch their breath, and then put Rhino on lookout duty while Bolt hunkered down to let Mittens climb onto his shoulders. The cat stood on her hind legs with her paws on the window sill, peering in.

"It opens into a coat room," she whispered, "and it looks like the door to the hall isn't latched. We'll have to be quiet, though, because the class is in session." She reached down and gently patted the white shepherd on the head. "Gimme a boost and I'll see if I can open it enough for you to get through." Bolt stood on his hind legs with his forepaws braced against the side of the building while Mittens worked on the window. It took more than a few feline grunts of effort, but eventually she managed to push it wide enough for the dog to have clearance.

"In session," mused Rhino. "Surely she means it's in lockdown. I know I wouldn't just be teaching class if Dr. Calico had the run of my school."

Bolt shrugged in response, almost dislodging the startled cat.

Mittens cast a quick frown of disapproval at both of her companions before she whispered in the dog's ear, tickling his earflap with her whiskers. "Lower me down enough to pick up the rodent," she said. After the shepherd complied, the cat leaned over his shoulder and stretched out her paws so that she could pick up the plastic ball. She stood on her hind legs and gently placed him on the sill. "Don't fall off..." she warned softly.

She followed up by deftly leaping through the window to land silently on the other side. Bolt was a little less stealthy - though he did his best to try and scrabble quietly as his rear toenails sought purchase against the school's brick wall. He cleared the edge and landed in the room with a gentle "thump" before joining the cat where she was hiding behind the coats. They hunkered down and awaited their seemingly inevitable detection, but they heard a scowl in the teacher's voice as he sternly said, "Quit the horseplay at the back - others are still writing their test papers."

The cat and dog gave a unison sigh of relief and started tip-toeing toward the hall door before they heard a gentle tapping of little claws on the side of a plastic ball. They turned back to see the forgotten hamster up on the window sill, standing in his ball and giving them a disapproving glare with his paws raised in a gesture of puzzled "wtf?" The other two exchanged a sheepish glance and quietly went back to rescue the rodent.

By a mutual consent of gestures and nods, Mittens was appointed as their advance scout. She crept up to the hallway door and peeked in both directions before turning and waving the other two forward. Once they were clear, she put her shoulder into the door and pushed it gently shut until it was just shy of latching. "In case we make any noise," she whispered in explanation.

They assumed that if Penny were being held by Dr. Calico, the office would be the most likely location since he could most efficiently coordinate his minions from there. They worked their way stealthily down the halls, pausing at each corner until the cat declared the way clear. At the third corner, she let out a stifled hiss and backed up again, holding out her right foreleg to stop the others.

"The office is around the next corner," she whispered, "but there's a hall monitor."

"It's a shame you don't still have your stun bark," said Rhino pensively. He scratched his chin. "Or do you? You haven't actually tried that one yet, have you?"

Bolt grinned and rolled his eyes. "I don't have any powers," he said, "but I _do_ have an idea." He doubled back down the hall a few paces and looked pensively up at a door labeled 'Broom Closet'. "But it will only work if this door isn't locked..." The pooch stood on his hind legs and tugged on the door's handle. To his relief, it swung open freely. "Now we just need a brave hamster that would be willing to act as a decoy."

"Heeey..." said Rhino with a gleam in his eye, "I think I know who you're talking about."

"It could be dangerous," said the dog in a low, conspiratorial tone.

"I eat danger for breakfast," replied the hamster, puffing out his chest.

"You eat _everything_ for breakfas..." snarked Mittens, but Bolt cut her off with a gentle paw to the muzzle.

The white shepherd explained the plan to the rodent, and once Rhino acknowledged that he knew his role, the cat and dog crept into the broom closet and pulled the door most of the way shut. The hamster - no longer in his plastic ball - strode brazenly past the corner and into the next hall.

Rhino stood in the middle of the hall, reared up on his hind legs, and planted his front paws on his hips. "Hey you!" he called as he raised his hands to his ears and blew a loud raspberry toward the hall monitor. "Yeah, you!" he yelled even louder. "Check it out - I'm doing the hamster dance in your hall!"

The hall monitor glanced from his magazine, and then looked down at it again before jerking his head back up in a double-take of disbelief. "It's a fat, tailless rat in _my_ hallway ... and ... and I think it's doing the Wah Watusi!"

Rhino pointed his index and middle fingers at his own eyes, then pointed them at the hall monitor before patting his ample buttock.

"Why you cheeky little rat!" said the hall monitor angrily. He threw down his magazine and rose from his chair.

"Feets, don't fail me now," said Rhino with wild abandon. He dropped to all fours and scrabbled for purchase on the slick floor before dashing down the side hall out of sight with the hall monitor in pursuit.

The angry man rounded the corner and found the next hall empty. "That's a very fast, fat, tailless rat," he said aloud, "but I won't tolerate rodents running loose in my halls. I need something to deal with rats. Something like..." his eyes wandered to the broom closet, "... like a broom!" he said triumphantly. As he reached for the door, it creaked open an inch and a broom handle poked helpfully out of it. "Thanks," he said, grabbing the broom and pulling it free before he ran down the hall, wielding it like a bristled broadsword. "Have at thee, rat!"

As they heard his footsteps receding around the next corner, the three pets emerged from the closet and continued as quickly and quietly as they could to the school office. The office door had a square window cut in it that was a bit too high for Bolt to see through, even standing on his hind legs at his full height. "Okay, scout," he said as he hunkered down to allow Mittens onto his shoulder, "assess and report."

The cat gave him a crisp salute and hopped up between his shoulder blades. As he stood on his hind legs again, the feline braced her paws on the wooden edge of the window and pressed her muzzle to the glass. As they had hoped, Penny was sitting in the principal's office. The little girl was on a chair built for an adult, sitting on her hands and swinging her legs freely while she stared blankly ahead.

Mittens jumped down again. "Penny's alone in there," she said simply.

Bolt frowned. "It could be a trap."

"Oh please, let it be a trap," chortled Rhino. The hamster cracked his knuckles. "Bring 'em on. I'm ready to start kicking some minion butt."

The little tuxedo cat raised her paw and opened her mouth like she was going to voice an objection, but after a quick glance back and forth between the faces of her two companions, she shrugged. "Sure, let's do this."

The dog stood on his hind legs and jostled with the knob before giving a whine of frustration and dropping back to all fours. "Why did it have to be a knob?"

Mittens raised an eyebrow at the dog and smirked. "Here, gimmee a boost, big boy, and I'll show you what kind of magic these paws can work on a knob." Before she had a chance to hop on his back, though, the office door was opened from the inside.

"Is somebody out there?" asked Penny, poking her head through the open door. Before she could utter another word, she was bowled over by a white ball of canine fury.

"We've come for you Penny," he yelled, furiously wagging his tail and licking her face. Rhino followed close behind, followed by Mittens who leapt into the room and assumed a creditable Bruce Lee pose. After a very brief, awkward silence, she added, "If this is a trap, it's not a very good one."

"Bolt," yelped Penny in surprise as her face contorted into an expression of mixed delight and horror. She wriggled free of the affectionate dog and crawled over to the door to quickly pull it shut. "Bolt," she said again in a frantic whisper, "how did you get here? _Why_ are you here?"

"We're here for you, Penny," he barked again, wagging his tail even harder. He looked around alertly. "Where's the evil Doctor? Where is his minio...mph!" The girl clamped a hand around his muzzle, nearly causing the hapless pooch to bite his tongue.

"Shhh," said Penny in a hoarse, frantically holding a finger to her lips and looking up at the door with a worried expression. "You're not supposed to be here. You're going to get me into even _more_ trouble." She cocked her head and her eyes went wide with alarm. "Somebody's coming," she croaked. The young lass began desperately herding the pets under the principal's desk. "You have to hide. Just stay under there and try to keep quiet."

She hopped back into the chair, and had just composed herself when the door opened and the principal entered the office, leading her mom.

"... and that's when I called you," the principal was saying as they entered.

Penny's mom shook her head and lowered her bulk into another chair beside Penny while the principal circled to his side of the desk. The woman looked down at her daughter. "You've got some explaining to do, young lady," she said sternly.

"I _can_ explain, mom," said Penny, but her mom cut her off.

"We'll talk about it when we get home," she said. The large woman turned back to the principal and crossed her hands over her purse. "So she was standing in class, arguing with the teacher in front of all the other kids, huh?" She grinned wryly and shook her broad head. "My daughter is definitely a willful little thing. I can't imagine where she gets that."

"Mom," protested Penny, "she kept telling me that I was wrong, when I know that I was _right_. Aren't _you_ the one who always told me to stand up for what is right?"

"'Stand up' is just an expression, honey," said her mom in a patronizing tone. "We'll talk about this when we get home."

"We _will_ be sending her home for the rest of today," said the principal. He pushed a small, hand-filled, mimeographed form across to Penny's mom, along with a pen, "and Ms. Stronzo has written up a disciplinary note for her file that you'll need to sign." As Penny's mom picked up the form and started reading the details, the principal continued. "Also, she will be an hour late leaving school for the next three days as she's held in detention to write lines."

Bolt felt something catch in his throat at the principal's last words. _In detention._ "Prison," he growled, "they're going to imprison Penny."

"Er, madam, are you ... growling?" began the principal, but a moment later a white shepherd careened out from under his desk, followed by a tuxedo cat and a hamster in a plastic ball.

"You're not putting Penny in prison," he barked, raising his hackles in anger.

"Rhino, you do whatever it is you do, and I'll try and get Penny out the door," yowled Mittens.

"Cowabunga!" yelled the hamster. He hesitated, blinking. "I'm not sure why I said that."

"Bolt!" cried Penny in exasperation, clapping a hand over her face. She leapt off her chair and wrapped her arms around the dog's neck hugging him protectively. "It's all right, boy."

"Bolt?!" yelled her mom, rising to her feet in surprise.

"Bolt?" said the principal, also rising in surprise. He paused then, and his eyes slowly widened. The man held up his hands, joining his index fingers and thumbs together to create a rectangle with his hands. He held it up and looked through it at the girl and dog. "You're .... _that_ Penny?"

" _Was_ that Penny," the girl said quickly.

"We're retired from the show," her mom said, jumping in at this point. "Filming a regular show is long and grueling, and then after the studio fire, we decided to retire from TV so that Penny could start leading a normal life for a kid her age."

"The show is still on..." started the principal, but his expression turned thoughtful. "Oh - that explains why she got an inch shorter, and her hair and eye colour changed in the show. It makes sense now." The principal slowly sat down in his chair again, still looking very pensive. He looked between Penny, her mom, and Bolt before he reached over and flipped one of the switches on his PA board. He picked up the mic and said, "Ms. Stronzo, please come to the principal's office. Bring the textbook."

"... _over,_ " prompted Rhino, but if the principal heard him, he did not respond. "Oy. Does _nobody_ practise proper communication etiquette?" lamented the hamster.

Penny stood and walked over to the principal's desk, resting her hands on its edge and looking up at the man imploringly. "Please don't do this because of who I am," she said. "We didn't tell anybody who I was because I want to live an ordinary life. I want to make friends and get into food fights and do all the things a girl my age is supposed to do."

"There will be no food fights, or you will be in my office again, young lady," said the principal sternly, but his expression immediately softened and he nodded to Penny's mom. "Your mom said something about standing up for what is right, and you have never been in trouble before. I think I should give you both a chance to air your sides before we hand out punishment based on one side of the story. It's the respectful thing to do."

The office fell into an awkward silence while they waited for the teacher to arrive, though the human adults succumbed to their abhorrence for silence by breaking it with occasional outburst such as, "Do you like cheese?" or "How about that sportsball team?" Eventually there was a polite rap at the door, and a middle-aged woman wearing pearl-rimmed glasses opened it and began to step into the room.

As soon as she saw the nonhuman occupants, she let out a little yelp and jumped back again. "Do you mind explaining why you have a menagerie in your office?" The principal patiently waved the teacher back into the office until Ms. Stronzo complied.

"Please close the door behind you and have a seat," he said, and once she was sitting, he continued. "Let me introduce you to this ... menagerie." He nodded at each individual as he introduced them to the teacher. "You know Penny, and I think you've met her mom. I'm pretty sure you've heard of Bolt..."

Ms. Stronzo jumped to her feet again and bent to peer closely over her glasses, first at Penny and then at Bolt. "Wait a second, you're _that_ Penny?"

"I kinda wish I wasn't," said Penny, lowering her chin and crossing her arms.

"That does not leave this office," said the principal sharply. "She wants to distance herself from the show, and we will respect those wishes."

"Thank you," said Penny's mom softly.

"Ms. Stronzo, could you please explain what led to the lot of us gathering in my office this morning?" The principal gave a sweeping wave of his hand to illustrate that he was yielding the floor.

The teacher remained standing while she opened the textbook in her hands. "Certainly," she said. "We were doing the biology portion of our science curriculum this morning, and it was an introduction to the primary differences between mammals and reptiles. The text had examples of both, and it was all good until we got to the examples of reptiles where it said - and I quote," she adjusted her glasses and held the text at arm's length. "Reptiles include animals such as bearded lizards, snakes, turtles and salamanders." She glanced up from the text. "And Penny stood at her desk and disrupted the class loudly saying, 'Salamanders are _not_ reptiles.'"

"They're not," said Penny sulkily, with her chin buried in the arms she had crossed over her chest. "They're amphibians."

Ms. Stronzo poked the page in the textbook with one of her long nails. "It says they are reptiles in the book, dear, and these are written by very knowledgeable people."

The principal sighed. "If our school's budget wasn't too constrained to let me have a computer in my office, we could look it up on a modern search site like that new _Cuil_ one everyone talks about." He grinned, and his eye twinkled. "On the other hand, we could hand it off to a neutral arbiter."

"Who would we call on as an arbiter?" asked the teacher with a dubious frown tickling the corners of her mouth.

"We are in the presence of the world's smartest dog," said the principal.

"Uh, Bolt, you're the only dog here," said Mittens, giving him a gentle elbow in the ribs. "I think he's talking about you."

The pooch gave a bark and a tentative wag of his tail. As the other three humans in the room exchanged bewildered glances, the principal pulled open his top drawer and extracted two sheets of foolscap paper. He took a black marker out of an old, pen-filled coffee mug on his desk and wrote "reptile" on one sheet and "amphibian" on the other. He put the pen back in its cup and then draped both sheets over the edge of his desk, affixing them there with short lengths of tape.

"There we are," said the principal with a lopsided grin. "If anyone here would know, the world's smartest and most amazing dog would. So tell us, Bolt, is a salamander a reptile or an amphibian?"

"How would I know _that_?" whined Bolt.

"They're reptiles," said Rhino without hesitation. "I know a reptile when I see one, and they've got those beady little lizard eyes."

The pooch turned to Mittens who just shrugged. "Sorry," she said. "I've never really thought about them outside of being a food group."

Bolt whimpered and looked back and forth between the two sheets. He cocked his head to the left, and then to the right before wagging his tail and bursting into a broad grin. Without a moment's hesitation, he stood and walked over to the principal's desk. He turned and looked the teacher in the eye and then planted his paw on the sheet reading, "Amphibian."

"I _told_ you," said Penny with a sigh of relief and vindication. "We had a couple of them as extras on the show when we were filming it. I used to help the keeper when it came time to feed them, and he taught me about all of the animals. Polly and Molly were our two salamanders. I accidentally called them lizards once, and he said, 'our two ladies are proudly _Ambystoma maculatum_ of order Urodelia and they would kindly thank you not to call them lizards. They are amphibians.' Then he went on to explain the difference to me."

"Well, I never," huffed the teacher. "I guess I must concede that our textbook is wrong. Why didn't you tell me that you were an expert?"

"Because I'd have blown my cover," said Penny simply.

Ms. Stronzo nodded. She held out a hand to the young girl. "Well, come along then."

"Where?" asked Penny, glancing at her mother and reaching up to take the hand only when the latter gave a quick nod of approval.

"Why, back to class," said her teacher. "We can't have you lollygagging around in the principal's office when there are lessons to be learned. Also, I need to apologize to you in front of the other kids."

"Why?" asked the girl hesitantly as they started toward the door.

"Because it's the adult thing to do," said Ms. Stronzo. "I shall tell them simply that we resolved it in the principal's office, that you were right, and that I was wrong to not properly hear you out. Then I shall have everyone mark a correction in that page for future classes."

"Yo, Bolt," said Mittens as the two humans left the office, "how'd you come to know so much about salamanders."

"You heard the man," said Rhino, "Bolt is the world's smartest dog. Of _course_ he knows about them."

"I don't, really," admitted the pooch. "We had a secret code we used to use on the set so that Penny could tell me what she wanted me to do next. She told me which one to pick."

"Clever girl," said the hamster approvingly.

"You're a _bad_ dog," said Penny's mom, alighting from her chair and kneeling to hug Bolt around the neck. She gave his ears a gentle tease. "You're a very bad dog - you know you're not supposed to follow Penny to school. You're a bad cat and hamster too. Whatever am I to do with you?" She glanced up at the principal. "I'll try to ensure they don't do this again."

"It all worked out in the end, ma'am," he said with a courteous nod.

"I'm going to take you all home and give you some leftover brisket as punishment," she said as she led them out.

"I'm getting ... mixed messages from this lady," said Mittens as they were making their way to the car.

"She's got her unique ways," said Bolt. "Welcome to the family."

The three pets piled into the back of the car while Penny's mother took the wheel. As they were pulling out of the school's parking lot, Mittens broke the silence.

"Are you disappointed that it wasn't Doctor Calico?" she asked.

Bolt pondered the question for a while before he answered. "No," he said finally. "I admit that I miss fighting villains, but I'm happy that the only danger Penny has to deal with now is paper cuts, food fights, and arguments with her teacher."

"I knew it wasn't Dr. Calico," said the cat, but she simply started washing her shoulder and made no move to elaborate.

"How could you be so sure?" demanded Rhino.

"Huh." Mittens blinked. "Well, because you guys got along with him so well when he came over for Christmas with a bunch of the other cast from the show."

"Lies," barked Bolt. "I'd have stopped that evil rascal at the door if he tried to enter our home."

"There's no way we'd not have seen him sneaking in," said Rhino right on his heels.

"But he was really nice," said the cat with a bemused frown. "He was that tall guy with the thinning, blonde hair and geeky glasses. He had everyone in stitches all through dinner with his stories, and he kept sneaking you bits of turkey under the table and telling you how much everyone missed you on the set."

"THAT WAS DOCTOR CALICO?" yelled Bolt and Rhino in unison.

Mittens looked back and forth between the dog and hamster before she burst into yowls of laughter. " _You guys have never seen him out of makeup,_ " she said, wiping tears from her eyes. She giggled into the back of her paw. "This day just gets better and better."

Bolt frowned slightly in the way he was wont to do when he was deep in thought. "If you knew this whole time that Dr. Calico wasn't responsible, why did you come along and pretend that he was?"

The feline grinned. "Because you guys were having fun, and I was having fun, and I knew that Penny was never in any real danger." She waved her paw in a vague gesture. "Besides, somebody had to come along and keep you two louts out of trouble."

Bolt thought about that for several long moments before he leaned over from his spot on the back seat and laid a long, wet lick up the bridge of the cat's nose and across the top of her head. "You're the second best friend a dog could have - after Penny," he announced.

"Blech!" said the cat, flinching and frantically wiping the slobber from her brow.

"You're a class act, sister," said Rhino, elbowing the inside of his plastic bubble beside the cat. "Mittens, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"Blech!" repeated the little tuxedo cat, but her gruff words could not hide her beaming smile.


End file.
